How have I been doing!
This is what I look like on a good day up above.
These below are me lately: Worried?
I know I have been and so has Don.
Even Rusty has been really hanging on me a "LOT!"
Excuse my french!
I look and feel like shit!!
"Before you judge me...
deal with what I've dealt with...
feel what I've felt...
and try to survive what I've survived"
I know there has been family and some others that don't want to hear about my ailments. Look at me! This is what the excruciating pain is doing to me here in the mid west. Let me say this OK and this is important to me.
I know that I moved up here and everyone was worried about if I was going to be safe or not with Don. I even admit I felt the same way at that time. I have seen my husband struggle with his PTSD issues, neck pain, and back pains. (All Service connected) I know that I love my husband so much that I would bend over backwards for him and I have as some of you know. I also know that some of of you have said I don't know how you can deal with this. My answer is and always will be "God." After all that happened in Arizona and all the trouble we had together and people got involved that shouldn't have been involved in the first place. His problem was the Lithium and the interactions to a lot of the different pills he was on that he shouldn't have been taking together at all that were prescribed by doctors and specialists. The simvistan that he was on for high Cholesterol that he was on "BEFORE" we moved to AZ was a BIG culprit in his mood swings here in WI and yes he was still on it down there as well. Yes we have been in contact with our Family doctor here we have learned a LOT over the year since we have been here!! My Goodness Thank God for Dr. White!! He is our God send!
So that is settled and Don is no longer on any of those pills anymore and boy what a CHANGE! He is the man I first married again. Thank Goodness! I never want to go through that EVER again! Neither does Don!
As you see way above those photos of me and I asked you if they worry you? Does looking at me worry you like that? Some of you have seen what I looked like in Arizona before I left for here. I felt good yes but not 100% better maybe about 30% to 40% maybe 50% better, but in the winter 20% better. I was still dealing with other health issues with my heart there in the 5,000 ft elevation in the mountains. But then again there was a lot of stress on me too. I still get those feelings in my heart here when I am extremely stressed out or I sit and worry over things that truthfully I shouldn't be worrying over. But then again I also have problems when I get to much sugar in my body too, so I have to be really careful with that.
First let me tell you that I sacrificed my better health down in AZ to move all the way back to be with my husband so that we could work on our marriage that was tearing apart because of his medications interacting with each other. He even admitted to our Doctor, myself and people around him that he felt like that medication was making him say things that he never meant, he said it was like he was be controlled by the medication only. He apologized to me I don't know how many times. He felt bad for a year up here about it because it caused other things to happen and my niece's weren't allowed to come over even and he loves them very much like I do. He loves children and is very good around them. I trust him completely and so should you.
He told me he never wants to be that way ever again and that he feels 100% better now. I Believe him because I see it! My parents were very worried not only because of them feeling unsafe about me being with him, but they knew that coming back here what it is going to do to me health wise. The Mid west life just is not for me any longer that is for sure! I am here because I love my husband so much and we both wanted our marriage to work. It has very much!! I sacrificed a lot because I felt so much better done there in Arizona, maybe not enough to go back to work, but I was able to feel somewhat better then here. Here I am bed and couch ridden all the time. It sucks!
Let me tell you what is going on here with me and the above photos so you all have some understanding why I look that way. Well all of you and maybe some of you that don't know. The reason for the photos above is because I struggle with excruciating pain in my head and my face. Is it Fibro? No, it isn't. People can't use Fibromyalgia as a excuse all the time there is something wrong with a person. This is worse - way worse. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy ever. I have recently found out what I have been struggling with in a certain part of the back of my head and my neck. I have what is called O.N. - what is that you ask? It is called Occipital Neuralgia (Click here to go to my Health Blog). This is part of Trigeminal Neuralgia and it can be worse then the other with all the burning pain, I think it is worst anyhow, some might beg to differ with me on this one. It effects the back of my head to my forehead and behind my eyes. Is it a normal headache? NO it isn't, I only wish I had just normal headaches and then I would just take something for it and then it would just go away. Well with this it isn't the case. I am on NOTHING but will be shortly. (See my health blog to get more info).
My Alpha Stim 100 Microcurent Unit is my best friend forever, Does this work? It helps relieve it for awhile then I have to do it again and again and again. Boy do I ever see flashes of light when I do this lol, but it helps. I don't sleep much, I probably only get about 3 to 4 hours of sleep and no that is not the deep sleep. I have trouble laying on my pillow the majority of the time because I hurt in my face or my head hurts. I wish I could float on air when I sleep.
What I am trying to say here is that Arizona or any of those Dryer Climate states are where I have to live from now on. I cannot live here in the mid west due to my health problems. I can visit in the summer months but not to live. Yes I have sacrificed my better health in Arizona to come here and I have found out that this time the pain has doubled over on me and I am not making here. I wish there was some way just to make this pain go away. Winter is here and it is cold.
I want you all to know that I have learned more about my husband being here. Yes he struggles everyday to be my own caregiver, he watches me in excruciating pain and has no idea what to do. Surgery is not a option for me as my Doc says because people that get these pains in their heads and spends all that money on it, end up coming back in to say they still hurt. There is no cure.
Since I have been here with Don & our marriage is stronger then ever I still see my husband in tears because I have sacrificed a lot to be with him instead of staying down there to feel better. I just never want to hold him back from anything that he wants to do and sometimes I feel like I have because of my health and some other issues that I deal with. I see him struggle and hear me complain a lot about the pain. Like I said he never knows what to do for me. He does tell people I have to get my wife to a dryer climate because I hate to see her in so much pain as he says it at times in tears.
After all that I have been through in AZ
and now here again in excruciating pain!
I know I can make it through anything!
I heard somewhere if your marriage goes to pot
and there is terrible struggles within the marriage.
You work on it together.
You make it work and it is working.
That your Marriage is VERY STRONG in the outcome!
To my Husband:
The best thing about being me~~
I'm a limited edition~~
there are no other copies~~~
bet you're thinking thank the good lord!!
I AM ALSO STRONG & I AM A FIGHTER!
God is by our sides helping us along the way. God sacrificed his life to be with us. I sacrificed my health to be with my husband. God is Love and I Love My Husband.
